Bent out of shape

Laura is, and I am too:



My head hurts. You can actually see where it's getting bigger on the top, if you look carefully. I've also picked up a bit of a permanent grimace unfortunately. It's kinda funny, but as my head has expanded with the growing of my brain, the skin can't keep up and it pulls my face backwards, exposing my teeth. They tell me it will all sort itself out in a few months, six to eighteen at most. Anywho, I am still alive, kicking and screaming all the way.

Laura's posts are funnier than mine. I wish I looked like the Monopoly man.

ian

"This is your year!"

Um...no it isn't. We (the partners) have already come to -- and accepted -- the realization that this year is "about" our spouses at IMD, and so it is rather hard to buy into the administration's party line that we are just as important, just as integral, just as valued blah blah blah: "This is your year, partners!" Oh really? Then why does my name placard at IMD workshops read as follows:

Laura Boudreau
(Ian B)

And, even more annoyingly, why do people ask me, "Who do you belong to?" when I walk in the door?

When I got into a brief discussion about this issue with Lisa (Admissions/Ombudsperson for 08), she told me that the whole "belonging to" terminology was just an off-shoot of various and necessary administrative procedures. I'm sure that's true...in part. Surely my name is linked to Ian's on Excel spreadsheets lurking all around IMD, fine, but to have it on my bloody name card at a workshop that is supposed to empower me to express my individuality, creativity, and agency while I'm here in Lausanne? It's a mixed message, to say the least.

On the one hand, the partners are supposed to be hip-hop dancing and making pottery and having a lovely ol' ex-pat time, and on the other, it's already assumed that we will crack and be a burden to our partners, and so therefore we need psychologists on 24/7 call, nutritionists to tell us how to lose weight (apparently I can have a "nice talk" with some woman name Patricia about this), and some sort of herbalist from Paris to help us treat ourselves for anxiety. It's like frosh week for people with capital-I issues...and I never much cared for frosh week, even at the time.

There is a general consensus that it is all kind of bullshit and we will make our own friends and manage our own lives; if we need help, we'll ask, but thanks for your card. Tanja thought all the vaguely ominous "it's going to get worse" talk about the IMD workload rather laughable, considering that her husband, Rich (in Ian's group), spent the last four years in Special Ops in Baghdad. How much worse can it get? Plus, believe it or not, people here have problems that can't be solved with salsa dancing (gasp!) or Jungian analysis -- Josefine, for instance, has a 5-year-old on her hands who cries herself to sleep because Daddy's not home...that is, of course, when said 5-year-old isn't saying that "Daddy went back to Sweden" and refusing to talk to Jesper, even if he manages to make it home before bedtime (which is pretty much never). Wait -- maybe they have an herb for that?

The problem is not with the partners themselves -- I've generally found the women (and they're all women) to be very dynamic, interesting, engaging people -- but rather with the weird programming that we are subjected to/is available to us. I'm all for a little companionship and camaraderie, but this workshop today made me glad to be visiting Lausanne and glad that I have my own life, which is not contingent on the next pot luck party, theme to be decided.

Speaking of my own life...

Good news today from across the wires! My short story "Hurricane Season" has been accepted for publication by Grain! Grain is a great magazine that I have a lot of respect for, and you can check it out here (apologies that this isn't a live link...haven't figured that out in Blogger): http://www.grainmagazine.ca/

M. Winter sent his transatlantic regards:

laura that is fantastic. grain is a hard
magazine to get into, strong material.
I might have poked you here and there
but you sucked it up and did the revisions
so good on you. michael

YES! Good on me, indeed! I am tooting my own horn! Ian is proud. He took me out for dinner (but I had to pay because he had no money...so much for those finance classes!), and he and I laughed over caramelized fig pasta (?) about the IMD Culture of Capitalist Oppression of Women and Minorities. (Perhaps Ian has forwarded you the rather dismal email the admin sent out to "all the gays and lesbians"?) Argh!

Enough raging...

Ian's work is going well -- he's currently building a model to determine the value of real estate in Lausanne (and/or any other city), and apparently this means he is going to start wearing a top hat/bow tie and looking suspiciously like the Monopoly guy:

In not so good news, our ski trip to Verbier has been scuttled! The company Ian's working for has determined that it can't afford to send the team out to test the ski product in question. Ian and I might still go the two of us, but it's looking a little unlikely. We'll have to see how the week plays out.

Hope the world is continuing to turn over there. And no, I am not offended by the lack of comments... Not at all... ;)

It's a chilly night here...hope you are all bundled and well!

Laura (the one who belongs to Ian)

For you, Doubting Thomas

Okay, not a "cat"

But still...

"It's like hell, just more expensive..."

That was the subject line of the "IMD Diary" yesterday. Two IMD-ers, Catherine and Mathieu, have volunteered to write the daily e-newsletter in order to give friends and loved ones a window into the lives of overworked and sleep-deprived tycoons-in-the-making...although sometimes that window is better left shuttered, I think. ;) Here's the link (which you'll have to paste in your address bar) to the diary: http://www.imd.ch/programs/mba/programstructure/mba_diary.cfm?

I was having a similarly un-fun day. I have, since we last spoke...
- botched (although also potentially fixed? not sure...) not one but TWO rent payments for Ian via bank machine wire transfer (noting here that Swiss banking is quite complicated!)
- burned myself on the stove
- blown the apartment fuse again
- been subject to periodic and inexplicable stink of apartment -- maybe something to do with the Metro construction outside? Hmmm sulfur....
- had a small meltdown as a result of all the above, triggered by not having change for the bus

I regained my confidence/sanity by meeting up with some IMD wives this afternoon and I got around the city just fine, thank-you-very-much, which has helped me to realize that, no, I am not failing life...just Swiss electricity. We were quite the international coffee klatch: Leila, originally from Iran, now living in Toronto, Raquel from Brazil, and Shweta from India, via a few years in Germany. As weird as it is to be a lady who lunches, it is actually rather comforting to talk with people who are having similar experiences, and it's fun to have people to go sight seeing with. Lausanne is quite small -- and today quite gloomy! It's true, Brenda! -- so it's just the right size to cover in one afternoon. (Yes, that small.) We saw the Chateau (top left), which now houses administrative offices for the government (exciting!), and the Cathedral (at right). I also saw another example of ingenious Swiss architecture (bottom left), one that I might remember for Mr. Banana. Yes, folks, that is a very elaborate cat ramp you're looking at. If only Banana had somewhere to go other than College Street, I might consider such a creation.

And now to the Migros for dinner materials! Migros is a kind of super store that, as near as I can tell, sells everything. Factoid: It is also one of the largest employers in Switzerland.

Amazing, I know.

Laura of the Alps

Lausanne, light and dark

Blew a fuse -- nay, THE fuse -- for the apartment this morning. Luckily, M. Vuistiner, the best landlord this side of the Atlantic, solved my problems and then invited me to tea in the restaurant. Ian is worried that I will be lonely here, but obviously I am already a pro at breaking things and influencing people...

Today is a work day (these short stories don't write themselves), but I'm planning on channeling my Intrepid Explorer impulses and taking a walkabout in the afternoon. The trees are...knobby? Gnarly? Bulbous? (Man, this writing stuff is hard.) More on the flora, fauna, and flaneur possibilities later, I'm sure.

Ian sends his regards. I've noticed he's losing weight in spite of the daily lunch-feast at IMD, but otherwise he doesn't seem to be doing too badly. If things get rough, he always has 20 sessions of Jungian psychotherapy to fall back on (and, as I discovered yesterday, so do I -- go Partner Program!).

Yours in mental health,
Laura

Hostile takeover!

Hello, blog readership!

You may have noticed that Ian's posts have become less frequent of late, likely as a result of his (nearly) round-the-clock work schedule, and so I have initiated a takeover of his blog while I'm here in Lausanne. Really, it's for the best -- Ian's updates on Forensic Accounting for Nerds and Geeks are no match for my Daily Observations, Swiss-Style.

I arrived on Friday afternoon after a rather...interesting flight -- my seat partner, Hilde, from Germany, served as a valuable object lesson, demonstrating why Ian and I shouldn't live apart long term:

Hilde: What are you going to do in Lausanne?
Laura: I'm visiting my boyfriend -- he just moved there for school.
Hilde: Oh, that's nice. You'll have such fun. [Pause] I'm leaving my partner of six years. He lives in Winnipeg. [Pause] Winnipeg is far from Germany. And I hate Winnipeg.

To her credit, Hilde gave it an honest go (she moved to the 'Peg in October), but...still. As you might imagine, there was much discussion of long-distance relationships (Hilde says one year apart is "nothing" and I shouldn't worry, but six "is just crazy" -- I am not to let it get to that point...and I agree), and the conversation was fuelled by a few drinks... By the time we landed in Frankfurt, I knew a lot more about the perils of international dating, and Hilde was crying uncontrollably. Lesson learned, methinks!

Made it to IMD, which (for those of you who are feeling like you need more authenticity in your lives) is the "real world":
Ian's colleagues are very nice and I very much enjoyed going out with them to the local IMD watering hole, The White Horse. Everyone encouraged me to hook up with the "Partner Program" while I'm here. As I've said to a few of you via email, I think "Partner" is a synonym for "Wife," and "Program" is a euphemism for "Stepfordization." It seems to me that, in general, men come here for MBAs, and their wives come here to take cooking lessons and tobogganing day trips... That said, a few Insta-Friends would be nice while I'm here...and I like toboganning...so...I am getting an ID badge and now I'm on the listserv and already signed up for some "transition" (?) workshop on Thursday and possibly some yoga on Friday... When in Lausanne, right?

I've also done a little window shopping (no boots yet, Brenda!), but my favourite store has got to be the "Bazar D'Ouchy" -- it puts the bizarre back in bazaar, that's for sure, and it is an excellent example of several Swiss stereotypes in (fully automated!) action:



(Note: if this video shows up sideways...I don't know how to fix it)

The food here is leaving a little to be desired. Our trip to "The Pirate" (which came highly recommended!) was particularly instructive: do not order $24 wieners. They are expensive and not that tasty. We failed to bring the camera, but I think you can visualize it yourself. Imagine a wiener on a plate. Then imagine paying $24 for it. Yar!

Anyway, all is well here and Ian is working like a dog. I will have more insights into European culture tomorrow. Bonne nuit.

LB

PS Language skills improving...in part thanks to my cosmopolitan cell phone, borrowed from one of Ian's Danish friends, it speaks to me in German and has an Arabic key pad. Learning, learning...

"Yes, but how do you feel about leadership?"

.
A quick post, I hope.

I'm at school, in my group study room, supposedly doing industry research for our Industry Competitive Analysis project. We won the pharmaceuticals industry (hooray) and we now have a short window of time to figure out the industry, find a place that there might be an opportunity, and divine how to exploit that opportunity. According to the scant bit of research we've done thus far, last year Americans spent $200 billion on prescription drugs, so I suspect we're not the only people trying to figure out where to make a buck in this industry. Outsmarting them all and finding that hidden treasure is a bit of a tall order perhaps....

The latter half of this week has been interesting: we've just finished 'leadership development' week, wherein we spent all of Wednesday through Saturday doing various leadership exercises, supported/supervised by a clinical psychologist. Interesting stuff, to be sure. Our man, Michael Scott, is a "Principal Adult Pyschotherapist" in the UK NHS, has a private practice as well, also teaches and consults on organizational development, is an honorary senior lecturer in psychoanalytic studies at the University of Essex, etc. etc. etc. More amazingly, he sat almost completely still for four hours on Friday evening while we went around the room giving each person in our group three "helpful" and three "not so helpful" pieces of feedback! Yes, this is leadership development IMD-style. The whole shebang was actually quite good; I'm happy it's done, and I'm also happy to have done it. "Yes, but how do you feel about leadership?"

My favourite part of the leadership/feedback/pyschoanalytic stuff was how much people drank afterwards. The various sessions tailed off between 7 and 8pm on Friday, and by 8 or so there were at least 40 of the 90 people in our class at the local pub! The carousing continued long into the night, including a mass migration to a club downtown... when I went home at 2am there were still about 20 people going strong. My one conclusion from the night was made the next day, when I remembered that my tolerance for drink goes down when I don't imbibe for a few weeks.

Right then, back to the grind.

Ian

More on my social life, she says

Brenda/Mom (my mother, in case you haven't met her) wants to hear more about my social life. I have 15 minutes before my next class starts so I thought I'd try and add something here.

In short, it's short. Social stuff here at this point seems to be a lot about integrating work into the other things that you might rather be doing. The working lunch, the working dinner, these are common features. Even when we have breaks during 4-hour lectures, most of the conversation in the washroom (the first place most people go) and the coffee machine (the second place) revolves around the class topic: agreements, disagreements, frustration, etc. Inasmuch as you've always wanted to integrate your social life into your work life, I suggest that one of the most effective ways to do this is to completely subsume one into the other!

But really, I overemphasize the point. This is true in large part, but on both Friday and Saturday evening last weekend, I went out on the town and quite enjoyed myself. Like most new experiences, I did get it somewhat wrong: I drank too much on Friday night, when I had an 8am class in Economics, and as a result of this rather rude shock to my system, I didn't drink enough on Saturday, when I had plenty of time to rest and sleep in on Sunday morning. Folly. Thankfully, on average (as a classmate here) I stayed out considerably later than the midnight that I actually went to bed at, because a number of people went out dancing and stayed in gyration mode until 5am. I have yet to figure out how.

The other aspect of social life thus far is the simple pleasure of enjoying my surroundings. Here are some pictures of a lovely sunset (taken from my living room window), some local (towering) trees, and the lake on Sunday afternoon.

Now with 30% less sleep!

Same great Ian, more great bags under his eyes!

I overplay the point -- I have more spare time than I probably should... I have a sneaking suspicion that others are further advanced in the readings than I am. The "readings" incidentally, for the rest of month of January, are a stack of double-sided photocopies at least five inches thick. It's the 14th of January today; basically half-way through. I curse the fact that 2008 is a leap year... I'm terrified of what 29 days of readings will look like on February 1st. Last point on the readings: I also have nine or so textbooks to "familiarize myself with". I'm thinking familiarize is akin to "recognize the cover, if given a flash card or Rorschat (sp?) test". Aim high.

Anywho, the real problem with sleep is that I stay up late doing the things that I don't get a chance to do during the day, because even though I am enjoying the program, I'm unwilling to let go of my pre-IMD (read: social) life completely. I may yet be bludgeoned into it.

Bang ...

... not a wimper. I thought things were supposed to end with a bang, not begin with one. Apparently, I was wrong.

If you've been trying to email me in the last two days, to share how your life is going or, say, talk about how much you miss me and my witty raparte, or even just to gossip about all these Mats Sundin rumours, you may have noticed that I've not been that able to respond. Again, to reiterate, you might have noticed this, had you thought to email me. Regardless of your emailing (or not), I've been very very very busy. I'd use more verys but I don't have enough time.

Yesterday morning continued our strong tradition of orienting, with brief hallway discussions on how to use a security pass and a locker key, as well as the handing in of my Swiss residency permit form... the blue version, the EU citizen version. I inadvertently filled out the yellow, non-EU citizen version first, and was really relieved to discover my mistake before the uber-uptight Swiss "authorities" did. I picked up the correct form, compared them, and realized the chief difference was.... the colour. There was a slight wording variation on the 3rd page: essentially, the tick box for studying (as a reason for residency) had been moved from 24 to 23 on the list of tick boxes. Anyways, I've handed in the correct form. Don't screw up your forms here.... it's simply not prudent.

Yesterday afternoon followed much like the morning, with more orienting. Career Services featured strongly, and I can confirm that many of my classmates would like a job in the future (as would I, I suppose). There are a lot of eager people in this class. So, we ran late into the planned-for cocktails, and then we ran even later with the introduction of the first case discussion material: a hard-shelled knapsack called Boblbe-e (pron: bobble-bee). Our assignment: go have a drink and some dinner, then return to our study group rooms (ah yes, we have study groups as of this afternoon) and hash out what Boblbe-e should do with themselves. I'll spare you the details, but the brief summary is that there are 12 study groups, and we were the second group to leave, just before midnight. When I got home (a short, 5 minute walk) I still had almost an hour of reading to do. Oh, and class discussion and presentation of the Boblbe-e case was to start at 8am this morning.

All would have been moderately well, except that apparently my brain, having not been turned this far "on" for quite some time, refused to turn quite all the way back to the "off" position. I'm tired today.

I am also, apparently, verbose.

So, with a newfound brevity:
Class started at 8. Case discussion quite interesting. Our group the first to present. We did well. Not perfect, but well. Lots of questions, which ran over on time (this is emerging as a theme). Two other groups presented. They also did well. The soft spots in other groups are easier to see, but the whole class is fairly collegial... as our group's presenter so elloquently put it, "hey guys, it'll be you down here next." Smells like team spirit to me. In runup to 11am coffee break, professor announced that Boblbe-e's co-founder / CEO from the time of the case was here, and would be in the class for the next hour to present what happened, what he's doing now, and to take questions. There was much rejoicing. Then urinating, followed by percolating (of coffee). Mr. Presenter was really good, really interesting. Actually strapped the prototype backpack to two peoples' backs and hit them, full force, with a baseball bat. He's a big guy too, and he really stepped into it. Bag got tons of press, product placement in 15 or so big movies (Charlie's Angels, among them), but through a combination of bad decisions, bad luck, and sheer circumstance, it all fell apart (the venture, not the bag). He went broke and I suspect maybe kinda loopy, went on a personal coaching retreat, and rejoined the corporate world. "Suit to jeans and back to suit" was the title of his last slide. It fits. Even though he was wearing jeans today. They then gave each of us one of the bags, a soft-shell version but quite cool. I'll wear it if I ever join the police or the military for sure. Actually, I do like it. Just don't know quite for what yet.

So, that was the morning. The afternoon was all about how we felt about the morning. Actually not quite true, but close enough. Dr. Jack Wood in case you want to look him up. "Yes, but how do you feel about those hungry, hungry hippos?" (thanks Laura). He went from 1:30 till 6pm.

Then, went to dinner with the other two Canadians, to put together a 2 page presentation and a 2 page summary hand-in on the last 4,000 years of Canada. Histori.ca would be proud. Or disgusted. Not sure. Then, back from dinner to read and write a summary of one of the three articles we have to read for 8am tomorrow morning. 9pm, round-table with the study group to present and discuss each of the articles in question, 10:30pm to finish the edits on the Oh Canada hand-in, and home by 11pm. Apparently this is a short day.

My eyelids are going to roll into the back my head, atrophied from a lack of use. Why am I writing this blog-novella? you ask. It takes time to relax, drink a beer, and settle my head apparently. This will all certainly be interesting. It already is. I'm reminded of the admonition to be careful of what you wish for, for fear that you may get it.

Sunshine, lollipops, and orientation sessions

No lollipops. That was a lie. Sorry. I wanted to throw something out there for all the kids who might not otherwise read this.

Plenty of orientation sessions -- if you like being well oriented, this is the place for you. This has to be a short post because we're starting our first voluntary, student-arranged and directed orientation session in about ten minutes. Cultural sensitivity: there are 43 nationalities represented amongst the 90 students here, so we've broken into 11 groups (yes, that means Canada and the USA together) and we're all getting 10 minutes to help everyone else understand what we say after we say hello. I'm hopeful there will be a math orientation session tomorrow, given this numerical summary of our upcoming session (as written on the blackboard in front of the class):

11 x 10 minutes = 120 minutes

Yes, the cream of the crop over here.

It's really sunny today, quite gorgeous out really, and so I took some great pictures of the campus just now. The pictures tell only some of the story obviously, so to complete the picture in your mind's eye, imagine what the Starship Command on Earth looks like in Star Trek 5; that's pretty much the IMD campus. There's actually a semi-circular sliding automatic glass door... ok, to be more precise, there are two quarter-circular sliding glass door sections. When closed, they form a semi-circle. Fascinating, I'm sure. Here's a picture of the complex with the amazing door, just so we can all appreciate it. The door itself is on the left side of the picture, marked by... nothing. The amazing-looking part in the centre is a light well, in case you were dying to know.

These last two pictures are of two of the sculptures that are around here -- I actually quite like both of them, though photographing the dancing women on the right (as opposed to the dancing women on the left, you ask?) was quite a challenge. Thankfully I have short hair, and not my grade 10 tall hair, otherwise you'd see me in the shadows for sure.

I'd ask how everyone else is, but this is a fairly one-way medium. That being said, I definitely miss Toronto, Canada, friends, and family. Wishing you were here.

Ian

A first blog post.

I hope this doesn't come as a surprise to anyone, but I moved to Lausanne, Switzerland yesterday. I'll be in Lausanne until December 2008, taking an MBA at IMD, the International Institute of Management Development (and yes, I also wonder where the second "I" is in the acronym.)

I made it to Lausanne a rather roundabout way, via Fernie BC and Kananaskis AB. In Fernie Laura and I went skiing with my family for a week -- Laura wore her new ski suit, a little too fashion-forward for me, but Laura's pretty confident I guess. I was actually really impressed with Laura's skiing: she'd only been on skis for two days before coming to Fernie, and she was totally amazingly good. She pretty much skipped over beginner and went straight to intermediate. Blue runs, top to bottom. Pretty damn good.

Laura and I flew out of Calgary on Friday morning, and after a decidedly sad goodbye in the Toronto airport, I continued on to Zurich. I took a train from the Zurich airport to Lausanne, and arrived just after noon. My trip was relatively uneventful, though definitely set to the harmonious melodies of the tears of children. I watched them unload eight (8) strollers off the plane while I waited for rows 1-35 to gather their personal belongings and stumble off the plane. At around minute-1 of my flight I discovered I'd left the earplugs in Laura's bag... I did however have the other 100 pounds of luggage. My two checked bags actually clocked in at 48.6 and 50.7 pounds, after removing the 3lb Economics of Climate Change ("this book actually causes climate change").

So, I'm here now, and all is well. The apartment is fantastic, although they weren't kidding about the new subway station being built "nearby", as this picture out my kitchen window will attest. The subway station itself is the part with the roof of white dividers in the foreground... if you can see the two circular fans built into the wall just past the station, I'm pretty sure those are for the tracks themselves. Here's to the majority of construction being finished in 2007 -- this would be a really loud place to live otherwise. Then again, perhaps when they start work again tomorrow, after their absurdly long European Christmas vacation, I will get my dose of loud.

I'm living in a part of Lausanne called Ouchy. Ouchy is basically a swank formerly independent village where rich people congregate. That's why they built the business school here, I guess. It's quite picturesque, and my apartment is just across the street from the marina. Ouchy, incidentally, is right across Lac Leman from Evian. As I sit here on the couch writing this, I can see the twinkling lights of France in the distance. The view from my windows is rather spectacular, and this morning the sun was streaming in and it was 8C. There are mountains off to the south-west, Swiss or French Alps I presume. Although they're surely around, I couldn't see any obviously rich people this morning.

Last but not least, I went for a walk around town today, and saw this Christmas tree. It was on a lawn of some civic building, possibly city hall. At a prominent intersection, I might add. I don't really know what to think, say, or write about this particular decoration style.

Enough of this "blogging" for now. Thanks to Laura for suggesting this; it makes me feel a bit more connected to Torontonian. Oh, and I've posted a few pictures of Lausanne on my flickr account (http://www.flickr.com/photos/ianbrooks).

Ian